English Jokes

[جیران]

پاسخ : English Jokes

[

Do u know similarity between Dinosaurs and Decent boys?
Both don't exist.​

 

[EhsanJ]

پاسخ : English Jokes

[ltr]A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"

The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as q...uickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.

"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."

The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"

The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."[/ltr]

 

[EhsanJ]

پاسخ : English Jokes

[ltr] A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"
"My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."
..."Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"[/ltr]

 

[EhsanJ]

پاسخ : English Jokes

[ltr] One day Sipho was enjoying the sun at the beach in South Africa. A lady came and asked him, "Are you relaxing?"
Sipho answered, "No, I am Sipho."
Another guy came and asked him the same question.
Sipho answered, "No! No! Me Sipho!"
A third one came and asked him the same question again.
...Sipho was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.
While walking he saw a certain guy soaking in the sun. He went up to
him and asked, "Are you Relaxing?"
This guy was a lot more educated and answered, "Yes, I am relaxing." Sipho slapped him in his face and said, "Stupid, idiot.
Everyone is looking for you and you are sitting over here!"[/ltr]

 

[EhsanJ]

پاسخ : English Jokes

[ltr]Sipho is buying a TV and asks "Do you have colour TVs?"
"Sure" says the assistant.
Sipho replies "Give me a green one, please."[/ltr]

 

[EhsanJ]

پاسخ : English Jokes

[ltr]An engineering student was walking across campus when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle. "Where did you get such a great bike?" asked the first. The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to ...the ground, took off all her clothes and said 'Take what you want.'" The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice - the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."[/ltr]

 

[EhsanJ]

پاسخ : English Jokes

[ltr] A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man thought.
He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
..."A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied,
"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."[/ltr]

 

[جیران]

پاسخ : English Jokes

oh man! you are great tnx​

+​

 

[EhsanJ]

پاسخ : English Jokes

oh man! you are great tnx​

+​

u're totally welcome! x

 

[EhsanJ]

پاسخ : English Jokes

[ltr]Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father.

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'"
...
"But that's right!"

"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the f&%#ing difference?" asks the father.

"That's what I said![/ltr]

 

[golpesar]

english jokes 2

Mcdonald who was very sad met his friend sandy in the street.
He said to his friend:I can’t make up my mind whether to marry a wealthy widow whom I don’t love or a poor girl whom I love very much.
Sandy said, my dear friend,i advice you to listen to your heart and marry the poor girl that you love
You are right sandy.i’ll marry the poor girl.
In that case can you give me the widow’s address?!!!





The bride was any thing but a tidy house-wife.it bothered her very much until one evening when her husband called her from the hall:
“Darling"he said.where’s the dust on this table?i had a phone number written on it…




One of the girls was wearing an engagement ring,but no one at the office notced it.finally in the afternoon,when some of the typists wew nearly,she stood up suddenly.
“My,it’s hot in here” she said.
“I think I’ll take off my ring.”


John wished to get married.his friend found him a girl and they went to call on her together.when john saw the girl,he was furious.he pulled his friend aside and whispered to him.”she is too fat,her nose is broken,her hair is bleached,and she is knockkneed and she is missing two front teeth.”
You don’t have to whisper,his friend said.”she is deaf,too!!!







Judge :”youadmit thet you have broken into the same dress-shop three times.what did you steal?”
Thief:”a dress for my wife,but she made me change it three times!!!

 

[Narcissus]

پاسخ : English Jokes

Eng jokes 2" & "Eng jokes" are combined".×
​

 

[nnn]

پاسخ : English Jokes

A nursery school teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to little Sarah who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. Sarah replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Sarah replied, "They will in a minute"

# A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.
# What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway.
# A backward poet writes inverse.
# With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
# The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
# He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
# Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
# When an actress saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
# Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
# Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
# Acupuncture is a jab well done.
# Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat

×your posts are combined.Plz read the Rules.​

 

[EhsanJ]

پاسخ : English Jokes

Earth is getting hotter and hotter each day .. . . . is she trying to impress Jupiter or something? x

 

[EhsanJ]

پاسخ : English Jokes

I hate going to weddings to hear old ladies say,"You're next!" Next time I'm at a funeral I'll point to an old lady and say "You're next!", that should teach em​

 

[EhsanJ]

پاسخ : English Jokes

in crazies hospital, the doctors test the crazies to understand wheter they are crazy. A doctor painted a bus on the wall and said '' get on the bus''. All the crazies tried to get on the bus except one. The doctor went and talked to him.' why didn't you get on the bus?' the crazy answered' i don't have a ticket x​

 

[EhsanJ]

پاسخ : English Jokes

[ltr]man sees a fat man
sitting in a train cabin.

Taunting, he asks:
Is this cabin for elephants only!
...
Fat man humbly replies:
No!Even monkeys like you can sit[/ltr]

 

[EhsanJ]

پاسخ : English Jokes

I decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire x

 

[EhsanJ]

پاسخ : English Jokes

Rappers get money, from rapping about how they get money from rapping, by rapping about it...x​

 

[روژین د.]

پاسخ : English Jokes

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, please help me. I hurt all over."

The doctor asked the man to explain more.

The man said, "When I touch my arm it hurts, when I touch my leg it
hurts, when I touch my head it hurts. Everywhere I touch it hurts."

The doctor examined the man and said, "Mr Smith, your finger is broken!"​